i’m an impostor

You guessed it. I was reading again. All Is Grace is the memoir of Brennan Manning (author of Ragamuffin Gospel). His story is so transparent, and at one point he realizes that he is an impostor. He goes on to define an impostor as such:

The impostor is a fake version of yourself…

1. The impostor lives in fear.
2. The impostor is consumed with a need for acceptance and approval.
3. The impostor is codependent; in other words, out of touch with his own feelings. (and dependent on the feelings of others)
4. The impostor’s life is a hearky-jerky existence of elation and depression. The impostor IS what he DOES.
5. The impostor demands to be noticed.
6. The impostor cannot experience intimacy in any relationship.
7. The impostor is a liar.

(In case you haven’t noticed, I love lists.)

I don’t know about you, but this hits a little too close to home for me. Typically, we call this behavior ‘people pleasing’. The reason, I’m guessing, is because ‘I’m a people pleaser’ sounds so much nicer than ‘I’m an impostor.’ But the reality is, people pleasing IS being an impostor. It’s becoming whomever you need to impress or appease the people around you.

What’s the solution to being an impostor? It’s a righted identity. Instead of finding identity in the people around you, in the position you hold, in the things you have accomplished, in the stuff that you own – find your identity in Jesus. I know that sounds like the Sunday School answer – but look at how an identity in Jesus changes everything:

1. You don’t live in fear, because perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4.18)
2. In Jesus you have the ultimate acceptance and approval as a child of God, a coheir with Christ.
3. You remain codependent – but instead of dependent on the feelings of others, you are dependent on the feelings of Jesus about you. And he looks upon you with favor and love.
4. There are still moments of great joy and other moments of deep sorrow. However, you no longer ARE what you DO. It’s exactly the opposite - you DO things because of who you ARE – and you ARE a child of the King, holy, and declared righteous.
5. You realize that the only reason you want people to see you is so that you can point their attention to Jesus. It’s because of him that you are who you are and you do what you do.
6. You are not afraid of intimacy; even though it’s true that relationships will still have hurt and disappointment, those relationships don’t define you. Only your relationship with Jesus defines you, and he will never let you down. Being in real relationship is exciting because it is an opportunity to extend the very love and grace that Jesus gives you every day.
7. It’s not that you’ll never tell another lie. But you are a child of the Truth. There’s no reason to hide behind lies; if Jesus accepts you and all of your garbage, why hide it from people? Don’t glorify it, but use it as an opportunity to give God glory for his grace, and to let others see that no one is too lost, too broken, too dirty for him to accept. Why wouldn’t you want to share?

I’m preaching to myself right now. I want every ounce of being an impostor dug out of my heart. I want to live an authentic life as a child of the Creator of the universe.